
We learn of the birth of His Ballistic Holiness:"In the beginning, the universe was without form; the Lord made the
earth in the shape of the sphere, that is to be round, for the Lord
looks upon roundness with great favor."
"The Lord said to Adam and Eve, lo I give you the cycle of seasons,
so that you mayest understand that one thing must follow another, in
their natural order. Do not doest in the Spring that which is meant
for the Autumn, for nature which I hath given to you shall always
complete a circle. The earth doth not shuttle back and forth, nor the
moon travel to-and-fro, for reciprocation is an abomination before
the Lord."
The people were in need of deliverance from the evil around them, and from that need sprang The Gift:"...and she named her son Shmuel, that is Samuel, which means 'he
would be destined a prophet'. And the Lord would listen to Samuel, and
shower him with great favor. As the boy did grow he became known as
Samuel the Colt, for he was exceedingly fast and lithe, with graceful
manner and of great wisdom."
Of course, people never recognize a good thing even when it stares them in the face. From that flows what has become known as the Browning Apostasy, and the punishment which results:..."and the people, needing protection from their pursuers, looked to
the Lord. The Lord said, I will give Shmuel, who you call Sam, the gift of invention
and artistry. From him will come the means of your rescue, which you should
never forget nor abandon; for the Lord wishes you to have only the best."
"And Shmuel asked Yonaton, that is the same as John, how the
detestable thing came to be, and Yonaton answered 'I threw these
parts into the fire, and it sprang whole from the flames as you see
it here, save for the grip safety which was added by the mob.' And
the Lord knew that Yonaton was lying, and vowed to punish him."
"The Lord said to Yonaton, 'you hath committed an abomination unto the
Lord, and from now on you will be cursed. Your followers, though they
be many, will fight amongst themselves in vain; they will revile each
other, none of them seeing the truth, for their eyes will be blinded
by their lust for their own kind. Your devices will be functional but
not accurate, or accurate but not functional, but never both at the
same time, thus always serving to you and your followers as a sign of
your transgression. Some will try to bring peace to your camps, that
is to marry function and accuracy, but their attempts will be
thwarted by my wrath, which will become known in latter days as 'KahBoom'."
"And the Lord said to Shmuel, yours too will be many, and they will
be entrusted with serving as a light unto the world. They will be
mocked and ridiculed by those whose devices are either functional or
accurate, but never both at the same time, whilst yours will continue
to be functional and accurate, each at the same time, and fairer to
look upon as well. Whilst I made man and woman, you will make them
equal; for the world is not flat, neither should your gun be."
