A different "Stupid Criminal" story

Wednesday, May 28, 2008 Filed in: Completely irrelevant, Current Events

I probably should have waited for the Friday Surprise for this one, but I just couldn't help myself...

The local news is buzzing with the story of a recent liquor store burglary. Yes, burglary - not robbery.

Seems our erstwhile rumrunner broke into a local adult beverage emporium a couple of weeks ago, bringing his own large-size garbage can to carry off the loot. He first raided the cigarette shelves, then proceeded to the liquids of his choice.

Allow me to digress for a moment to explain my strategy in such a situation. First, I don't smoke - never have - so the tobacco products would not interest me. No, were I to find myself alone in a liquor store at o-dark-thirty, trick-or-treat bucket firmly in hand, I would make my way to the single malt shelf. I would then proceed to gingerly (and with all due respect to the golden liquid contained therein) place the bottles in my basket. Starting, of course, with the Islays and working my way inland.

First to go would be the Lagavulin, then the Caol Ila, then (in no particular order) the Bowmore, Ardberg, and Laphroaig. That should easily fill up the 33-gallon can that this fellow toted, but should there be any room left a few bottles of Highland Park would easily fill any gaps. That is what I would do.

This fellow? He spent all that time alone in an adult candy store stealing Jack Daniels. What a waste. The man should be publicly flogged for terminal stupidity and a profound lack of good taste.

-=[ Grant ]=-

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