New feature: GRANT'S SUNDAY RANT

Sunday, January 28, 2007 Filed in: Current Events, Personal opinions, Completely irrelevant
Everyone else rants on their blog, why not me? I generally I find ranting to be unseemly, but sometimes I run across something so unbelievably stupid that I just can't help myself!

After all, Straka has his "Grrrrs", and Andy Rooney has made a virtual industry of ranting; heck, there's one gunsmith who has a half-dozen blogs, each of which is a gigantic, incoherent rant! So I think it's not too much to ask to be allowed an occasional "harrumph!"

Our inaugural item comes from one of my "daily reads", the Uncommon Business blog. This is a great blog, chock-full of examples of businesses that you wouldn't normally think of as being viable, yet somehow have found a successful niche. (One could argue that revolversmithing is such a business!)

Their latest entry is for OpenX, a device that was designed to open that annoying plastic clamshell packaging. Go check out the article, then come back and read the rest of my rant.

I'll wait right here. (Cue "Jeopardy" theme...)

Back already? Did you read the whole thing? Good!

When I read the article, I was immediately struck with the thought "man, that's stupid." Don't get me wrong - I'm sure that the engineering is good and the construction quality is more than acceptable; I'm sure it opens clamshell packaging in a most efficient manner, with great aplomb and no doubt accompanied by heavenly choirs.

What I can't understand is why the heck this guy needed to invent the thing in the first place!

You see, I always carry a pocket knife - usually a couple. I've carried a pocket knife since (probably) the 3rd grade. (Back then every kid carried a pocket knife to school. For those born after 1980, I'm not kidding.) Every male I know carries a pocket knife. My wife carries a pocket knife, and has her own collection from which to choose.

When I need to open a clamshell package, I simply reach into my pocket, pull out my trusty pocket knife (a Victorinox Swisschamp, in most cases) and proceed to open the package with a minimum of fuss, bother, and anguish.

Apparently, that's not how everyone does it. There are ill-equipped people out there, just waiting to be frustrated by product packaging!

How is it this guy didn't have a pocket knife?!? Is he afraid of them? Does his social station eliminate the need to carry his own implements? ("Jeeves, please open this package for me.") Do his peers look down on someone who carries such an essential implement? ("I say, Muffy, he is acting positively blue-collar these days! The boys at the club will be absolutely aghast!")

Follow me here: he didn't have a knife with him, which made him conceive of the idea of a package opener; he invented a knife substitute to have with him, in place of that which he didn't have with him in the first place! So, this solves the problem how, exactly? What happens the next time he's presented with a gift that he can't open, because he doesn't have his opener with him, just as he didn't have a knife with him?

(Hmmm....wonder if the OpenX comes in a clamshell package? If so, how is one to open it?? The Helplessness Brigade would be stymied once more!)

Rant off. Until next time!

-=[ Grant ]=-
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