This last weekend was the large wedding of one of my close relatives. Since we're known as the "Second Amendment Family", the day would not be complete without some sort of ballistic celebration. What we came up with fit the occasion perfectly.

One of my cousins handloaded some special 12ga shotgun shells with birdseed. (That's right, SEED, not SHOT!) He used a 100% cotton wadding for biodegradability, and a very small amount of powder. (We had originally thought that primers alone would be sufficient to propel the lightweight charge out of the barrel, but that proved to not be the case.) The resulting rounds sent their payload out of a vertical barrel some 25 to 30 feet, and the sound level was approximately that of a .22 Short - just enough to attract attention but not so much that anyone's hearing would be in jeopardy.

After thoroughly checking the shotguns for non-approved ammo, and making sure that no one had any such ammunition on their person, our little Matrimony Militia (a grand total of 4 people) met the happy couple at the entrance of the reception area. We announced them, and (with the best military precision that a bunch of civilians could muster) fired our rounds straight into the air - muzzles held high, well above anyone's head, of course.

The effect was perfect - the birdseed rained down and thoroughly covered the bride and groom, who were surprised and greatly amused at their "shotgun wedding." Their photographer even stifled her laughter enough to thoroughly document the prank, and I'm quite certain that this was a first for her too!

If you are moved to try this, remember SAFETY FIRST. We made sure that everyone involved behaved in a safe manner, from the loading of the rounds to the storage of arms afterwards. The rounds were completely biodegradable (save for the hulls, naturally) and we made sure that all of the standard safety rules were obeyed. Of course, this was well before the bar was opened and absolutely no alcohol was permitted until after the arms were stored in locked trunks. (The fact that this event was held outdoors on private property made the whole thing possible. DO NOT try this at a church or indoors!)

-=[ Grant ]=-